caterpillar body and butterfly brain

I've been scrubbing stains
   for the last decade,
        with steel wool and
      bleach and
         scalding water,
       cigarettes
            and a bristle-less
          toothbrush—
not that they've been effective.
  It'd be easier, i'm sure,
           if my scalp would split
        and the ten years
                    of dead skin
      and wasted talent
             fell to the floor;
but i was raised Lutheran,
          we preach Grace,
      and love the flog (in private).
Guilt
    is its own justification, after all
simul iustus et Peccator.
  Yeah, but Luther was full of shit,
                            wasn't he?
What's it mean when
           all the penthouse Christians
     earn their scars
                avoiding the painful scab?
Faith without deeds is dead,
      what are deeds without faith?

   Take me to a river
                and hold me under
           until a dove descends
                      or I turn white...

There's got to be some better way to come clean.